Love ya, mean it. Part 2

I drag 36 by her hair into the art room, where I have her cuffs waiting. I pull her into the center of the room under the apparatus she’d been strung up from so many times before; a simple design of chain and PVC pipe on a swivel. The cuffs are tossed to her and she obediently starts to put them on her wrists and ankles, avoiding my gaze as she closes them. Foxtrot positions herself on the antique couch nearby so she can observe in comfort. The wrist cuffs are actually mitts as the girl is an escape artist so I assist with putting the final mitt on.

“Stand” I instruct. She moves to stand squarely onto the mat I’d placed in the middle of the room. “Wrist.” She raises the wrist nearest me and I attach it to the chain closest to her, repeating the same action on her other side. I then slide a piece of PVC with chain run between it in between her ankles and attach the ankle cuffs with a solid click. I walk around her, taking the time to firmly pull on each connection; a weakness at this point could be problematic and I know she will be looking for one. Satisfied that there is no way for escape, I plant myself in front of her.

I lean very closely to her ear and say “When I told you that entering into this with me would change you, would make you question everything about yourself and who you are, I meant it. When I told that you’d find me like a heroin addiction, I was telling the truth. When I told you that once I’ve licked it, it’s mine…”

I stand in front of her and take her face between my hands. “Look at me.” I say softly. She hesitantly looks at me and I gaze deeply into her eyes, lingering for a moment before finishing the sentence with “And I meant it…”

I kiss her deeply, hungrily pulling her mouth to mine for the first time in months. I find myself getting caught up in the moment temporarily as my hand wanders across her chest to the pendant stapled there and I give it a sudden sharp tug. She pulls away with the air hissing between her teeth.

“But first, we have some unfinished business.”

I release the pendant and stand in front of her, reaching under my skirt to shimmy out of the black thong I’ve been wearing over my fishnets. “Open your mouth” She immediately complies, and I shove the thong inside her mouth and start securing it with my roll of duct tape which measures almost four inches across. “You’ve always been a noisy bitch, we don’t need the neighbors calling the cops.”

I walk up to her and nuzzle my nose into the nape of her neck. “How I’ve missed lying here nuzzled into this very spot while sleeping next to you at night. Standing here like this with you brings back such precious memories.” I softly kiss her neck, nibbling her gently as I work my way down. I reach my hands behind her and pull her tightly to me as I’m kissing and licking my way towards her nipple. I circle it with my tongue and then suck it deeply into my mouth as she arches her back, pushing herself closer to me. Suddenly I sink my teeth deeply into her nipple as I’m wrapping my hand around her throat; I hear her trying to gasp for air but she cannot get any between the panties shoved in her mouth and my right hand clamped tightly around her throat. My left hand wraps around her waist and I pull her body closer to me as she flails; I hold on tightly for a moment and close my eyes; savoring the moment I’d waited on for so long.

I release the hold on her nipple and throat simultaneously and she suddenly arches away from me. It’s been a long time since her body has been subjected to such abuse and it shows. I step back to grab the first implement of the evening, the cane she made for me.

“You have no idea how much I despise having to do this but until I’m convinced you’ve learned your lesson and you’ll never run away again we will not be leaving this room.”

The blows land everywhere; and all the while she is looking down and seeing that pendant that was supposed to be her anniversary gift bouncing off of her chest. One instrument after another is used until it feels as if there isn’t an unbruised piece of skin on her body. I know she is flying high as her eyes are no longer focusing and she can barely stand. I realize it has been over an hour and a half and I stop with the assault momentarily to come in front of her and wrap my arms around her, supporting her body with my own.

I hug her tightly and whisper “One day you’ll realize that there is no escaping me, sweet girl. I own you now.”

I release my grip on her and walk to the table behind her to pick up the brand new metal grill cleaning brush I’d purchased. The first heavy blow landed on her right cheek and blood immediately appeared; slowly starting to drip down her leg.

I come up behind her and hold her tightly, with my mouth closely positioned next to her ear. “If you weren’t such a disobedient girl I wouldn’t be forced to take such drastic measures, but since it takes so much to get your attention, get your attention I shall.”

The wire brush is wicked and unforgiving, and the blows are unrelenting. Within moments she is standing there with her ass covered in blood, with trails now running thickly down her legs. I stand up to search her face and see tears running down her cheeks as she cries silently through the gag.

I lean forward and catch her tears on my tongue, and then move to kneel on the floor behind her. My mouth finds its way to the thickest trail of blood and I find myself hungrily devouring all of it; savoring it’s coppery sweetness as I’m licking it off of her wounds. I stand up to face her, wiping her blood off of my chin as I do so.

“I have something new to introduce you to, but I’ll need a moment. Foxtrot and I take a few moments to reposition the sofa and I use the pulley system attached to the ceiling to lower the 4′ x 8′ platform to the floor.

I release 36 from her chains and allow her a moment to shake her arms and get the circulation going. I then lead her over to the platform and guide her down.

One of my favorite toys is a Bluetooth enabled plug that can be controlled via an app on my cell phone. I instruct her to relax as I grab a bottle of nearby lube and fill a syringe especially created to deliver this product with precision. I insert it deeply into her and press the plunger, filling her with lube. I then coat the plug with the same and slowly push it into her, making sure it’s firmly in place. I hand my phone to Foxtrot. She’s already been given instruction on how it works so no conversation is had other than warm laughter between friends.

I have purchased bird netting for this occasion. It is made from plastic and is extremely strong. I push her legs together and position her arms by her sides. “Don’t panic, you’re about to hear a very loud noise. Stay exactly where you are because it’s very dangerous if you move for the next few minutes.”

I roll the netting over her feet and turn my compressor on. From that position I slowly work my way up until her entire body is encased in this plastic netting with the staples positioned directly next to her body. She has absolutely no leverage. I stop at the base of her throat and cut the netting. I then take the duct tape off and remove the panties from her mouth. I grab her water bottle and let her drink in silence for a moment.

She’s exhausted from the previous activities and her body is marked everywhere from my efforts. I grab my nearby needle kit and smile darkly as I start cleaning her skin with iodine, her eyes growing wide as she clamps her eyes and mouth shut tightly and starts making whimpering noises of protest. “Hush, pet. It will be over before you know it. I’m sure you realize that fighting it will just make it so much worse, so you may as well lay there and enjoy the flight.” The next half hour or so consists of me penetrating her arms, breasts, and legs with my needles, making sure that their shafts are caught up in the netting as a constant reminder that fighting would be devastating. At this point she’s flying high and her eyes are rolled into the back of her head. I stand up and slip off my boots as I’m talking to her.

“Seeing you lying here has me so worked up. Let’s put that mouth to good use, whore.” I say as I’m slipping out of my fishnets and kneeling beside her. My face is very close to her and the endorphins have her unfocused. I slap her face, hard. She blinks a few times and I wait for her to focus on me as I’m holding her jaw and am practically nose to nose. I breathe deeply for a moment, taking in all of the lovely energy my prisoner is expending.

“Remember how I told you that I’d had a surprise for you for our anniversary?” She nods. “Well, since you fucked up your piercing appointment, it looks like I’m going to have to do it myself.” Suddenly she’s more alert as she realizes what I’m saying. “I’m going to straddle your face, and I’m going to use these lovely needles to pierce all the way up my favorite toy. While I’m doing this, you’re going to be eating my pussy expertly, like the obedient little slut you are. And I warn you that so help me if you bite me or cause me discomfort in any manner the needle will get shoved directly through the head of your cock. Got it?” The sheer terror on her face shot through me like a lightning bolt; and I felt myself instantly flood and start to ache with need. I carefully positioned myself on her waiting mouth and relaxed into our familiar pattern. As scared as she was, she was obviously not going to risk hurting me as she knew I would carry my threat through if she did.

I leaned forward and grabbed the thin skin on the underside of her cock, near the base. She kept up her task, trying to distract herself from the inevitable. I quickly shoved the needle through and was quite pleased that while she jolted slightly and gave it a gasp; she didn’t stop servicing my aching pussy. I repeated this same pattern until five needles neatly lined her shaft. I was proud of how well she handled it and rewarded her with a long overdue and very loud orgasm by grinding myself firmly on her face.

I carefully removed myself and kissed her deeply. “That mouth of yours is amazing…when it isn’t busy getting you into trouble.”

Repositioning beside her, I instruct her to lift her head and look at my handiwork. She visibly blanches when she sees all of the needles penetrating her body and groans as she lays back against the platform. “Any comments?” She shakes her head. I start to press on the needles, playfully. “Speak now or forever hold your peace, because I have something else I need to do.”

“I am your property, Ma’am. I am here for your amusement and will suffer as you wish me to.”

“Very good, 36. I’m glad to hear that. I’ll be taking these out for you now so you can relax for a moment.”

One by one I remove all of the needles, saving the ones lining her shaft for last. When the final needle is removed I take her deeply into my throat and work her to the edge of orgasm, over and over again until she’s begging for release. I signal Foxtrot and the plug starts to hum inside of her and in tandem we work on her repeatedly driving her to the edge without letting her go over.

For a moment I stop, and Foxtrot turns the plug off. I straddle her hips and slide down onto her swollen and battered cock and then lean forward to grab something from the floor behind her. It’s the modified gas mask she’d brought. Her eyes grow wide with terror and she starts rapidly shaking her head. I grab her face with one hand and she sees that I’m holding one of my thickest gauged needles in the other hand, and I’m smiling. Never a good sign.

“You can willingly let me put this on you, or I will start using these on you until you pass out and then I’ll put it on your unconscious body. Dealers choice. What shall it be?”

Tears are flowing freely now. She’s shaking but I can feel her inside me, harder than ever. She nods towards the mask.

“See? You are capable of making good decisions, that’s progress. I’m so proud of you! After all, I’m only going through this for your own good. Hopefully from now on you’ll think long and hard before doing something stupid again?”

She nods. Her nose is starting to run because she’s been crying so much.

I tell her I’m going to slip the mask over her head and shut the turn of valve, and I’m not going to open it until I’ve had my second orgasm of these night and she’d better not cum unless I give her permission. In my hand I now have my stun gun, an implement she knows all too well. I instruct her to look into my eyes the entire time.

The valve is shut and we’re looking directly at each other. I’m riding her and watching the glass fog up and she’s starting to panic. She can’t help but move her hips and the combination of it all is intoxicating to me. It’s been almost a minute and a half and I signal Foxtrot to turn the plug on and I feel the additional vibration pulsing through her cock. I’m staring into her eyes as my orgasm starts to build and then I’m flooding her with my juices; ripping the mask off of her as I do.

“Let it go, baby. Let it go. Cum for me, girl”

She screams and I feel her entire body start to violently shake against the netting. After what seems like a full sixty seconds she passes out completely and is lying quietly, totally unconscious.

I lay on top of her for a moment as my breathing returns to normal, and slowly climb off of her. Foxtrot has disappeared into another room and I quietly start cutting the netting and pulling it away from her battered body.

Foxtrot returns and brings a soft blanket and we position ourselves on either side of her, holding her as she slumbers. After a period of time her eyes start to flutter open and I tell her we need to go back to my room because there is something else that I need to do. With Foxtrot and myself on either side we are able to bring her back into my bathroom and carefully lower her into the waiting tub. Foxtrot kisses me goodbye and disappears for the evening.

I sit there kneeling by the tub, washing and talking to her as she slowly comes back to me. I’m careful to avoid pulling on the ribbon that is still stapled to her chest, securing the pendant that I’d bought her for our anniversary. I produce a new straight razor and slowly and carefully shave all of the body hair she’d let grow in in my absence. As she stands in my little bathroom I dry her body and when done I lead her to my bed, and thank her for suffering so beautifully for me. Although the weekend is far from over she shall be rewarded by sleeping beside me tonight.

My girl has come home.

Twisting and turning, Your feelings are burning…You’re breaking the girl Part 1

If you have been following along with my story, you are aware of the fact that muse and I parted ways shortly before Christmas. To say that the breakup devastated me would be an understatement, but it seemed futile to try to continue given the amount of stress, anxiety and helplessness we felt.

Long story short; after five weeks or so of almost complete silence, we’ve been speaking again. We’ve been communicating more clearly and directly than we had been in a while and have decided to try to carefully put things back together, with some guidelines put into place in the hopes of being able to protect all parties involved and nurture the relationship in a more positive way.

As has been stated before, muse is trans, 36 and a former fighter. She has alters that have appeared during play. She is a brilliant artist, an extremely heavy masochist with no real limits that have been found as of yet and she is a manic depressive. In other words, there are a lot of ingredients in this particular composition and her mind is rarely ever quiet. She is hungry for knowledge, activity, stimulation. Where the majority of us are able to unplug and relax and simply “be”, she is rarely afforded that opportunity.

In the past the thought of a Master/slave structured relationship was repulsive to her as she was taught never to bend a knee to anyone. However, in exploring this style with me and having the majority of decisions taken away from her when within my presence, for the first time in her life she actually found peace. Her head was quiet. She found the structure and atmosphere we’d created comforting and safe.

The whole idea confused and terrified her, and combined with everything else going on outside of the relationship between she and I things imploded in a magnificent way.

She’s stated she misses her chains, her tethers, her captivity closet, her cage. Not making decisions. She feels like one who ran away from her owner and was recaptured and knows she will pay sorely for the infraction when she comes home but she needs to do so to feel whole again. Without me in her life, she lost all balance and found herself spiraling. In all honesty; I felt the same. Things have been out of sort for quite some time and in order for peace to be restored and for us to move forward, balance must be restored. Which brings me to the topic of this blog entry: Homecoming.

For her arrival and initial discipline I have requested the presence of my long time best friend, AKA Foxtrot. Not that I don’t trust myself or muse but I haven’t seen her since Thanksgiving week, our beasts are both starving and the energy level is incredibly high, and muse has also stated that she has responded with rage whenever she has been hit recently. In addition to it just being a good idea to have someone who is not involved in the scenario to oversee and make sure things do not get out of hand, there is also something deliciously humiliating about having a loving witness who cares about both parties the way Foxtrot does.

In visualizing what the homecoming looks like to me, I see her arriving here and using her code to let herself in. She is not to be carrying anything in with her and has been instructed she is not to look at me or speak to myself or others without being instructed to do so.

I’ll be standing as she comes in the door, dressed in fetish gear. Black corset, very short flared leather skirt that barely covers my ass. Thong panties, fishnet stockings and high heeled platform boots. She will come to me and kneel at my feet as I will slowly and silently walk around her for a bit, with the only sounds she hears being the sounds of my heels on the tile and the blood rushing through her veins. I know my girl, her heart will be pounding loudly in her chest and her mouth will be bone dry as she awaits her fate.

“Stand.” She brings herself to her full height, careful to avoid my eyes. I’ll slip her shirt above her head and toss it aside. I’ll do the same with her bra and then slip her skirt down her long legs. I’ll brush my hand across the head of her erect cock as I slowly slide her panties down and kick the small pile out of the way. I already know that she’s neglected her grooming since we’ve been apart so her body hair has grown in. In spite of the fact we’re now communicating and she’s feeling better, I’ve instructed her to leave it be until she gets here so I can deal with it personally.

The homecoming has not happened. This is an illustration of how I expect it will play out.

“Not only do you run away, but you’ve been quite neglectful in maintaining my property I see. I shall deal with that later as there are more pressing matters at hand.”

She stands silently, head bowed.

“Currently you have lost everything, including your name. You are not my girlfriend, you are a prospect. You are starting from nothing, a ghost. In the past this was ‘our’ home. I have reclaimed it as my home. All of the pretty clothes hanging in the closet and tucked away in the drawers that were yours? They have been locked away. While in my home this weekend you will be naked the entire time, and tethered constantly as a reminder that you ran away. The heavy chain will be locked on your ankle and will remain there until it is time for you to leave. You will be on eye and speech restriction. You will not be allowed on my furniture. You will eat out of your dog bowl. If company comes over the same rules remain intact. You will not be using my shower, I will tether you to the whipping post I’ve just installed outside and I will hose you down with the water hose.

Your name is now 36. The number represents a time of new beginning, an opportunity to start anew. You shall refer to me as Boss, Ma’am or Warden. I do not want to hear Daddy, Darlin’, Babe or Bella come out of your mouth as we are no longer there. Consider yourself my captive and you are subject to whatever punishment I see fit; however harsh. Perhaps in time you can earn status, your name, privileges and your things back but for now this is how it is.”

All the time I’ve been softly speaking to her I’ve been slowly circling her. Watching her body tremble causes the rush of electricity in my own to surge that much stronger. The air is heavy with anticipation as Foxtrot sits and quietly observes the scene unfolding in front of her. I walk over to Foxtrot and hold out my hand and she gives me something I hold in front of me as I continue to speak with my back facing 36.

“We were just a few days short of our one year anniversary when you ran, girl. You were supposed to be spending that weekend with me and I had something very special planned for you. I was going to take you to see Syn so we could get you your next piercing, the PA we’d discussed. I had also picked up this pretty little sterling silver pendant to hang from it and was going to have the bezel engraved with “Daddy’s Girl” for you.” (One of her alters is a little and she calls me Daddy for those that don’t know.)

I walk over to her and hold it under her eyes so that she can see it. I have it on a delicate red ribbon and the weight feels comfortable in my hand.

“Perhaps you can earn this back but for now, it’s gone. I do want to make sure you have a lasting reminder of what you’ve lost though.”

She is still standing in position with her hands behind her back and I suddenly produce a medical stapler and staple the ribbon to her breast with no warning. She stumbles and cries out and earns a quick hard smack across the jaw for doing so. She shakes her head as she regains her footing and I see a flash of anger momentarily cross her face. As she won’t be allowed to look at me I’m going to make sure that she sees that particular memento bouncing within her view with each blow I land on her.

I grab her by the chin and tell her to look at me. For the first time since our parting she is looking directly into my hazel eyes and she sees not only amusement there; but an even darker, colder and more malicious hunger than she’s ever seen before. Hiss is fully present and her period of hibernation has come to an end. She is ravenous and won’t stop until she is satiated.

I let go of her chin and reach down between her legs, almost purring as I gently stroke her. For a moment she forgets that there is a serious ass whipping about to happen and she closes her eyes and focuses on my hand softly touching her.

“Look at me.” I instruct. Her eyes flash open. “You’ve heard my rules, and the current expectations. The choice now is yours. You can either gather up your things and walk out of this door and we sever this once and for all, or you take whatever is coming to you now and in the foreseeable future for us to get back on track. For this moment, you may say whatever you wish without any additional retribution.”

With no hesitation and that familiar cocky grin she looks at me and says “Do your worst, Cupcake…”

“And so I shall.” I quickly clamp down tightly on her balls, bringing her to her knees. I push her all the way down until her cheek is pushed into the tile and the sole of my boot is pushed down firmly across the back of her neck.

“You’ve chosen your fate, you’ll accept the consequences. The balance calls for your blood and tonight she will get her fill as it shall be.”

She is suddenly dragged roughly across the tile floor towards my art room and catches a glimpse of the new wooden platform that I’ve recently installed. Her eyes grow wide as she takes in the scene of the compressor and the roll of netting and then realizes that the eight foot by four foot wide piece combined with the other items will function as a spider web, basically rendering her completely immobile as I take my time doing whatever I wish to her.

The next few hours are a blur…

Interview with a Vampire OR How to simultaneously impress a sadist AND slam your dick in the door without even trying. (And not in the *fun* way.)

I’m not referring to the sparkly vampires of Hollywood lore but rather A short, curvy chick who feeds off of energy and fear, and gets off on the taste of blood. Things flowing organically is very important to me, as is energy and the type of vibe someone throws off. I share a lot about myself but also take a lot in when I’m considering a potential partner as the same source that fills me also has the ability to deplete me.

A couple of months before the breakup I’d joined a dating site in an attempt to possibly meet someone that could potentially become my primary partner. I was very clear about being in a relationship and there weren’t any serious prospects until after I became single.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, 6’5 came along.

He was tall, (hence the obvious nickname) handsome, communicated extremely well, successful, and my age. He lived within an hour of me and I quickly determined he had very little lifestyle experience outside of the bedroom. He was thoughtful, engaging, and asked good questions. We exchanged phone numbers one day on the way home from work and the conversation came easily. When I suggested that it would likely not be a good fit he asked me what some of the things I enjoyed were. I named several of the more extreme activities and his reaction to all was amazingly favorable. I was intrigued.

I like to do something with potential partners where I throw out words or phrases and ask for their immediate, uncensored response. I did this with him and mentioned “Queening Chair”. When he asked what that was I responded “Google is your friend.” For the benefit of those who do not know a Queening Chair is a piece of furniture designed specifically for oral sex. The Domme sits in the chair, her submissive lies underneath and services her as she reclines comfortably. Needless to say, he was enthusiastic once he realized what it was. The very next day he sent me a picture of one he’d started to build for me. (I was completely unaware that he had any intentions of doing this until he sent pictures.)

We continued to text and speak on the phone daily. I enjoyed the process of getting to know him, though he was getting increasingly anxious and a little pushy about meeting face to face even though we’d not been speaking for very long. He enjoys cooking so I invited him to come cook dinner for me a night later that week, to which he readily agreed.

Meanwhile, my group of close girlfriends were very vocally opposed to the fact that I’d invited a stranger into my house. They weren’t satisfied I had his real name, address and date of birth. They wanted me to meet him somewhere other than at my home. I placated them my telling them I would have him completely naked within 15 minutes and I’d send them a picture to prove he wasn’t armed if that would satisfy them. They agreed to that concession after giving me stern warnings about personal safety. I told 6’5 what was expected of him and he cheerfully agreed.

He showed up with a beautiful homemade dinner consisting of lasagna, sides and dessert, and had also brought a bottle of wine. I gave him a tour of my home and after chatting for a bit told him “It’s been thirteen minutes since you arrived, time to get naked.” “You were serious?” “I was indeed”. He dropped his clothing and sat down on the couch beside me. I told him to turn his head and snapped a quick picture, sending it to my group of girlfriends. “Thank you, you can put your clothes on. We have company joining us for dinner and she’ll be here any minute.”

Dinner was mostly uneventful with the banter being easy between the three of us but when my friend brought up the subject of her upcoming surgery which included a breast reduction; my guest suddenly became very vocal over the fact he felt she shouldn’t do it, even though she mentioned several times she was having the reduction done for health reasons and not just cosmetic. It was a pretty aggressive stance to take considering they’d never met and he was there to interview as my potential submissive. There was NOTHING submissive about the conversation, it sounded very much like a guy with a major boob fetish finding out that his favorite toy was about to be taken away. I sat back and observed the conversation and simply took mental notes.

She left shortly after dinner to give us time to get acquainted. I’d told him before arrival I’d be kicking him out at 10:30 as I had work the next day and would need to get prepared for it. At 10 I mentioned the time and he asked me for a kiss. I declined. I feel like the conversation should have ended at that point but suddenly I felt like I was caught up on a live version of Let’s Make a Deal.

“But, I made an effort. I drove all the way here. I brought dinner. I washed dishes…”

“You did indeed, and I appreciate all of that.”

“But…it means a lot to me…”

“And it will mean a lot to you when it actually happens, but it won’t be tonight.”

I had recently ended a relationship. I was still hurting, and trying to sort through some lingering feelings. I was flattered by his efforts but still on the fence about some things and needed some time to ponder on it without being confused by hormones. I’m at a point in my life where I’ve had my “reasons” and my “seasons”. I’m in search of my lifetime partner. I’m fully aware that I’m a special sunflower and to find someone that can check off all of the boxes could take some time, but I’ve got a pretty fantastic life and I’m willing to wait for the right one to come along. I’m worth the wait, and in the end I know they will be too.

Anyhow, so everything totally died Christmas Eve. We’d been having a really enthusiastic text conversation and out of nowhere he tells me I’m “The One”.

UMMMM…How can you be so sure about this when we haven’t even kissed?

He said he just knew. Sent me a list of attributes that he contributed to me and said when he saw something he wanted he went after it, and he wanted me. I sent him this chart and asked him where he was on it:

He said Joy – Freedom Love – Empowerment. He asked me where I was and I said Happiness – Enthusiasm. He asked if I was holding back. I honestly wasn’t. The conversations died off after that night. It had suddenly become awkward and I believe he knew he’d said too much.

Considering all of the lovely and horrible things I’m going to do to my partner once we’ve entered into a relationship; building a solid foundation in incredibly important and patience is going to be needed on both sides. There will be times my partner will be delirious, incoherent and completely at my mercy. Time will become distorted, and sense of self will likely be questioned. This is not a relationship I will enter into lightly, and the trust and chemistry must be there for us both.

Somewhere, you are out there.

The feed and caring of a Dominant

Recently the relationship that I’ve been in for the last year came to an end, and while I have many regrets; the experience itself is certainly not one of them. It gave me an opportunity to learn things about myself and evolve in a rather unexpected way and while the ending was and is incredibly painful and that pain lingers on, I know that I’m better in the end for the time I spent with her.

In no particular order of importance, some of the lessons learned were:

  • Sometimes you just have to eat that damn frog. For years I’ve said: Eat the frog first (basically get the tough stuff out of the way and get it over with) but haven’t necessarily put it into practice myself. Because of her I crossed some long overdue stuff off of the to do list. The bi annual medical maintenance yuck that I hate and had avoided but also I had my first colonoscopy which resulted in several polyps being removed, and was diagnosed with sleep apnea after being urged to have a sleep study. Too bad they couldn’t have done the sleep study and colonoscopy at the same time, that would have been an AWESOME time saver.
  • After years of calling myself a cubicle worker who goofs around with making weird stuff in my spare time, after lots of nagging to embrace my creativity I finally feel comfortable calling myself an artist. I’m also steadily working on pieces these days and doing projects that are increasingly challenging.
  • I thought I had a pretty solid handle on the kinks that I could handle and kinks that were definitely on my hard no list, but I discovered when I love someone that line definitely disappears.
  • My inner Sadist is a lot colder, hungrier and more vicious than I ever realized. For years I’d always kept her tightly controlled and even then very few could keep up with me. When faced with someone who loves and trusts me I’ve discovered she will drain everything she can, with a ferocity that from what I’ve been told literally changes my face and entire demeanor when it takes over. To tap into this side of my personality has been both frightening and exhilarating.
  • And finally, and most importantly I am incapable of being a secondary in any relationship. She is poly and married and I honestly thought not only could I handle the distance, but I thought I could handle being her girlfriend in a secondary role. The fact of the matter is, I loved her and because I loved her I placed myself in a position that in my heart I knew wouldn’t work on any long time basis. Perhaps if things had played out as they were initially presented with me being an equal partner and them moving to my city and time being spent equally it would have ended up differently; but that’s not how it evolved. I invest too much of myself and expect too much in return to be anyone’s girlfriend. When in a relationship I have no problem sharing someone physically (I’ve done this in the past to an extent as well) but to be basically an understudy in the lead role of my own life is something I’ll never do again. I’m not second string and to put myself in that position is a disservice to both myself and my partner.

A power exchange relationship takes a tremendous amount of work, and trust. A dear friend recently reminded me that “You cannot pour from an empty cup” and while in the shower last night it suddenly came together the main reason why this relationship imploded in such a magnificent way.

At most I would see her every other weekend, but over the year we were together it probably averaged out to be more like once a month. I put a lot of time and effort into preparing for her visits, I would make sure the house was clean, pick up her favorite foods, and in general make sure to be ready for any and all situations and needs whatever they were.

She would come in, we would generally have a very intense couple of days of being together and suddenly she was gone. The communication would drop back off and inevitably we’d end up fighting because of my frustration. While my sexual and sadistic needs were being temporarily satiated; my cup never had the chance to be refilled.

Yes, I demand a lot within a relationship, but I give everything I am as well. I love and play intensely, I feed deeply, and once the “play” is over I dedicate myself to making sure that my partner is as whole and as content as I am capable of. But as strong of a person as I am, I also need a partner who is capable of offering the same sort of dedication to me so that my own cup will continue to be refilled. Otherwise, this sort of relationship will never have any sort of longevity because it simply would not be sustainable on any sort of long term basis.

I’ve made a commitment to myself that no matter how many of the boxes are checked on a potential relationship unless they are all checked, I cannot move forward.

What I have to offer is unique and powerful, not to be squandered or taken for granted by either myself or the recipient. If I cannot find a partner that can come to me on an equal playing field ready and able to give as much as I am, then that will be all the more amazing that I can dedicate to myself and my wonderful tribe of friends.

Either way, I’m no longer worrying about what the Universe has in store for me, I’m just going to embrace all of the beautiful gifts she has to offer.

Erin I hope you’re happy! TO BE CONTINUED! Reposted with permission by Daughter of Kaos 11/06/18

A friend of mine said that brats exist as part of the balance in any Ds Community.  She said that “if we weren’t bratty, the how would our dominants know when we were being good?  It’s a community service really.”

I am no stranger to being a brat nor am I a stranger to running my mouth excessively.  Problem is I happen to be involved with two of the most evil people I have ever seen on this planet……and I don’t know how to stop myself.

Before I keep going on this epic cautionary tale Id like to say that id like to thank Jae and Clone as well as Erin for what happened to me.  Jae and Clone for supplying one of the most evil things ive ever seen and Erin for demanding recompense when I was mouthy.

That being said…..

FUCK.

THIS.

THING.

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I’ll get to this more in a second but first im going to take you back to about a month ago.  Those were simpler times where a brat could mouth off freely with their only care being avoiding a paddle or cane.

I write a LOT on here and I tend to get long-winded. SO I try to make it easier on you the reader (and keep you coming back) by using “to be continued” on my posts.  problem is I have a tendency to leave you on edge till the following post is up. This has two purposes:

  1. A) It keeps the blogs short and under 300 or so words so it isn’t laborious to read them.
  1. B) Keeps you guys coming back.
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There was some discontent issued from Mrs. Erin as well as a few others that I disregarded.  However, Erin and I have been friends for quite some time…..and I talk a LOT of shit to her.  I THOUGHT I was only accountable for the shit I said to OSHA or Bella. However, Bella AND Osha made me aware that I am owned by them and thus my behavior (or lack thereof) reflects directly on them and the control they have over me at any given time.

Problem is I am nowhere NEAR enough of an adult most of the time and I cant help myself.

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SO I wrote a post AFTER I was explicitly told by Mrs. Erin to stop using to be continued as she hates them.  At the end of said post I put “To be continued” then I directly mouthed off at her saying I did it on purpose and I wasn’t scared of her or anyone else for that matter.

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The conversation went as follows;

Her: I hate that you break your stories up.  Just btw.

Me: Aww why.  Keeps bringing you back.

Her: Cuz they are an entertaining read and I am not one who likes to pause during a story.

Me: Well….just look at it as me begging you to return.

Her: Ugh

Me: You could always petition Daddy or OSHA to physically demonstrate your discontent should you wish.

BAD IDEA!

Her: Done.  Shall I ask in the little group message you started or just message Daddy myself?

Me: You can do it in the group or you can message Daddy on your own.  Ill be at Daddy’s place next weekend. Just be careful what you ask for *giggle*

Her: Message sent

Me: Fuck I didn’t think you were serious!  Lol.

Her: Daddy will have creative freedom

Me: Oh joy.

Her: Good luck

Me: DICK

Her: You love it.

Me: So do you!

Her: and you can write about your experience in ONE FUCKING STORY!! Like a normal person.

Me: I’m going to TBC that like 10 times.

Her: No bih, she completely agrees with me btw she’s going to handle it.

Me: Umm…..no she doesn’t.  Besides im not worried.

Her: Oh interesting. Thats been screenshot and sent to her.

Me: Ima kill you.

That was the shot that started all of this and I was made very aware of OSHA and Daddy’s displeasure at the fact that I had run my mouth YET AGAIN and made an ass out of myself…..and by proxy them.

The week went as it usually does with my students being themselves and me moseying through until Friday.  I made my way up to Jax and to Daddy’s home with my usual sense of dread at the weekend to come. I arrived and was not disappointed as she kissed me and ushered me to the bedroom.  I’ll skip all the mushy stuff, suffice to say I got laid better than hardwood floors and was pretty well convinced that Daddy had managed to forget about Erin and my little “mishap”.

Daddy stood up and motioned for me to follow here into the kitchen where, unbeknownst to me, she had attached my tether to the cabinet.  She told me she wanted dinner and needed to prep some stuff so I she wanted to make sure I didn’t go anywhere she didnt want me to.

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I protested like I usually do and got slapped for mouthing off.  Daddy held up my chain and fed the lock through the last link. She grabbed my septum piercing and padlocked my tether onto it effectively securing me to the kitchen.

“I want salmon and Ginger rice and my kitchen better be spotless before I am served, got it?”

I said “Yes Daddy” and tried to be cute hoping I would avoid whatever “Plans” she had in store for me.

Dinner came and went and it was too late for both of us as we were both full and very tired.  We retired to the bedroom and passed out; her snuggled closely to me and me collared and tethered to her bed.

Saturday came and I was re-tethered to the kitchen to make pancakes.  I had started to relax figuring shed be far more interested in playing/fucking than anything else and thus id skate away scott free.

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Dead wrong.

After breakfast and me cleaning up YET AGAIN Daddy disappeared and left me tethered to the kitchen for what seemed like forever.  She came back and unlocked me without saying a word then reached behind me and grabbed my ponytail and started to walk towards the hallway using it as a handle…..with me having to toddle backwards and, because she’s not tall enough to ride most carnival rides, I was constantly in a fight with gravity NOT to lose my balance.  Every fiber of me knew that falling would just mean that shed drag me to wherever she had planned for me to go.

She opened the door to my isolation cell and threw me up against the wall.  

“Sit”  she snarled.

I did as I was told and she cuffed me to the hard points on the floor.  All four limbs separate and I’m effectively stuck.

Daddy rose back up to her full height and stared at me like a hunter sizing its prey and slammed the cell door locking it with an audible “click”

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I was cuffed, alone, in the dark for what felt like hours staring at the glow-in-the-dark paint that was written on the walls.  The problem with me and isolation (and BOTH Daddy and Osha are very well aware of this) is that my mind wanders and without any stimulus I get really bored which, for someone like me, is almost physically painful.

My solitude was interrupted by the deadbolt on the door being unlocked and light flooding into my eyes.  She quickly undid my cuffs and grabbed my ponytail again as her handle.

I was dragged down the hall half crawling and half sliding to Daddy’s bedroom and made to kneel.

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She gave me a notebook and a sharpie then sat down on her makeup bench in front of me.

“Princess, you have embarrassed me and Osha and that is unacceptable so we are going to have a chat.”

I relaxed some more out of confusion than anything else.  She started to rattle off questions and have me write responses on the notebook then hold them up and have her take pictures to send to the people I had managed to piss off.  

It. Was. Humiliating.  I was effectively being “pet-shamed” for running my mouth.

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Last she came to Erin and her complaint about what I had done.

I wrote out that I would take constructive criticism and consider it as opposed to ignoring it in the notebook and that’s when things began to take a turn.  

What came next was way worse as she produced this fucking thing and laid it in front of me.

I was told that I would have to kneel on this God forsaken thing for two minutes per infraction and I got an additional minute added to one round because I was being a brat.  After the kneeling session I was to sit flat on the mat for two minutes per infraction and she was going to sit in front of me and watch to make sure I did my time.

To be completely honest I looked at this mat and giggled (Internally im not a moron) because I understand weight distribution and I THOUGHT that this would be like laying on the whole bed of nails deal; it’d be uncomfortable but manageable.

I need to learn to stop thinking.

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I opened the book to the first sign and moved to kneel on the spikes.

Yall I would rather have walked across a pile of LEGO’s than kneel another second on those thing because LEGOs would have hurt less.  Immediately as my knees hit the spikes searing pain went through my whole body. I could feel it in my ASS! This was insane and I was only a few seconds into THREE FUCKING MINUTES!

I tried shifting my weight to accommodate the point and hopefully make it less painful.

Wrong again

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It sent yet another brilliant symphony of pain up my knees and legs and into my hair.

This was about the point that Daddy asked if I was enjoying myself.  She told me that Ms. Jae and Clone had suggested it due to it being an accupressure mat designed to contact points that do….something but at this point im convinced the “something” is cause you so much pain that you don’t think about your back anymore.

Finally the last seconds passed and I was granted a few seconds of rest before shifting to SITTING on this god damned thing for another three minutes.

AGAIN I ran to my physics classes and went; “My ass and legs are bigger area than this thing so more surface to handle the spikes.

Oh there was more surface alright.

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I held up the next sign and sat back instantly cursing my physics professor for being such a monumental liar.

The pain shot up my spine and into my teeth and that’s not even the WORST part of the whole thing.  Oh no no, the worst part was that there is certain…..equipment in that region that happens to be EXTRA sensitive due to hormones etc.  

There were spikes digging their evil way into my damned gooch!  my huh uh, my fucking TAINT!

If you’ve never had pain in that particular region of your body then you should thank whatever deity you believe in because dear GODS.

Three minutes passed, thankfully, and we were onto the third infraction; Erin’s discontent.  I was on my knees again and somehow the pain was ten times worse. I don’t know who made this damned mat but I hope when they get to Hell, Satan welcomes them by shoving a pitch fork up their ass.

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I knelt there on the bed of despair and Daddy began to talk to me and started to video this whole process.  She inquired if I understood what I had done wrong all the while having to call my attention back to her away from my poor knees and shins.

She asked if I was sorry yet to which I said “Kinda” and she sat back to continue to watch the show laughing the whole time.  

Time stretched out into an eternity as I was informed that Erin would get a full  description of all that had happened and I needed to understand that this particular punishment would be reserved for when I needed to be corrected in the future.  I was told I had better watch my mouth as the next go round the intervals would be five minutes and I nodded that I understood.

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I was allowed to come off the mat and I curled into a fetal position with tears running down my face.  Daddy went to lay on the bed after she put the mat away and called me to her. In her hands she held my stuffed animal and she assured me it was ok.  I curled into her and lay there shaking for quite some time knowing that this wasnt the last time id see that damnable thing.

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The plot thickens……Reposted w/permission by Daughter of Kaos 09/14/18

Daddy’s head whipped around and glared at me.

“What did you say?!

I recoiled but it was too late.  She looked at me incredulously as she turned and grabbed the bag of them.

She grabbed my chin and wrenched my face to her gaze.

“Youre here for entertainment purposes, ONLY! Do you understand?  Party favors dont get opinions and YOU dont ever get to tell me no.

With that she let me go and Tango had me kneel and sit up.  She attached clothespins to my nipples and then my inner thighs laughing all the way.

Then came Beta’s turn.

Beta is the quiet one…..which makes her dangerous……a fact that I was unaware of until she “Mounted the plate.” so to speak.  

Unbeknownst to me, however; Beta had purchased her own hardware for the job SPECIFICALLY to try and get me to cum.

She almost won.  This thing was made by Tantus and it does the job VERY WELL.

She mounted up and IMMEDIATELY I started building toward an amazing orgasm in SECONDS.  Im stubborn though so in the two or so seconds this thing was in me I didnt want to ruin Beta’s fun so I soldiered through it.

For about three minutes.

Then the clicker started without me feeling it.  I had saved my ass from Daddy’s tazer in round two.

Then Tango decided she wanted to dance.  However, apparently during my rodeo with Beta’s dick, Tango found Daddy’s Deadpool mask and put it on.

She also found Daddy’s electric dildo and I knew I was hosed.

Tango leveled herself at my face and, if im honest, I dont remember what she said but she was holding the cock like a gun and staring at me through Deadpools white eyes.

What happened next is probably best explained by Daddy BUT it ended with a Hitachi and my first double orgasm.  At that point I was released and went to lay on the couch with Daddy. I blacked out and next thing I remember is being in bed with Daddy and snuggling up with my binky.  I passed out and dreamt like I hadnt before.

And…here…we…go……Reposted w/permission by Daughter of Kaos 09/14/18

Foxtrot drew first round.  In my prison I could hear them laugh and make jokes and then I felt her hands on my hips.  She guided her cock home only problem was…..I was too high up for her to get to and, with my head trapped I couldnt move my hips the right way.  Other problem was that my hands and ankles were shackled to the box so I had no way of helping her get where she needed to go. So my head was freed and I moved so Foxtrot could gain her prize.  She rode me for a while and I could feel the dread start to build as I was being shoved closer and closer to climax. After what seemed like a few seconds (but was significantly longer than that.  Time dilates when im cuffed idk why.) I clicked the clicker.

A round of applause was given and Foxtrot thanked me for the experience.  I was panting and returned the gratitude as she kissed me on the forehead.

It was at this point that Tango started in and needed to know where her pig nose was.  Up until this point in my life, I had never known someone that identified as a pig. Tango fit the bill perfectly, every ounce of her energy SCREAMED ravenous and she was in rare form.  She asked Daddy where the clothespins were.

This is when the trouble began…..for me.  

Without thinking, I heard clothespins and wheeled to face Bella and thats when the world slowed down.  

“NO CLOTHESPINS!!!”

Then time stopped.

To be continued……

Three to make ready……Reposted w/permission by Daughter of Kaos 09/13/18

I was told to strip and present myself to the group.  I complied and walked toward the Art room.

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The Chair

Im not going to lie, this thing is evil.

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Daddy made the chair to play with forced orgasms and it works exceptionally.  Its holding a hitachi magic wand and, if youve ever used one or had one used on you then you know, they are very effective….insanely so.

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I was told to sit and cuffed ankle and hand.  Daddy smiled evilly and looked back at her pack.  She looked back at me and hit the ON switch, then Hell really began.

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It sent wave after wave of vibration into my, now seriously erect, cock.  I was immediately on the edge of cumming. Daddy smiled her evil smile and said; “Go ahead and cum…just understand that we arent going to stop.”  I held myself at bay but was beginning to sweat……and panic. I was worried I wouldnt be able to stop myself and have to endure hours of fucking POST-orgasm.  Not an ideal situation to be in…..but if im honest I was LOVING it!

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After what felt like an eternity in the Devil’s Throne, Daddy let me up on very unsteady legs.  I was told to walk to her brand new piece of evil; the box.  I don’t remember where the idea came from but I think Daddy found it on one of our excursions in Tumblr.  It’s upholstered in red vinyl and painted black.  There is a hole near the front with a door that acts as a trap for your head.

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I was told to kneel on top of the box, in front of what amounted to a pack of hungry wolves, and place my head in the hole.  I was handed a clicker (God how i hate THAT thing.) I was told that if I was in distress to click once and (this is why i hate that damned thing!) to click twice if I was about to cum.  I whimpered and knelt as it was latched shut and I was plunged into darkness.

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What happened next was amazing, terrifying, enlightening…….and hilarious.

To be continued…………

Two for the show…….Reposted w/permission by Daughter of Kaos 09/11/18

SATURDAY

Daddy woke me up at 9 to prep for the day.  We ran several errands and eventually ended up in some weird hipster grocery store buying stuff for Foxtrot, Beta, and Alpha to eat when I served dinner.  6:00 came and it was go-time. I was laying down in Daddy’s bed after a lengthy fight with her sink. Foxtrot showed first followed by Alpha then Beta showed a few after. Daddy came to the room and woke me.  She laid out my clothes and told me to make myself presentable. 

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Daddy served the meal that she cooked (time and dietary restriction dictated it was better that way.) and I was introduced to them.  I already knew Foxtrot but the rest were new to me. Daddy left us while I conversed with them and returned with her new favorite shackles.  

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At this point Daddy decided to be sporting and poll the ladies in attendance as to whether I should be allowed to eat with them or I should have to eat in a more fitting manner of my station.

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Guess how they voted.

To be continued….

One for the money…….Reposted w/permission by Daughter of Kaos 09/08/18

Fair warning; none and i mean NONE of what you are about to read is in anyway safe for work.  Im going to change names of people involved as I don’t have their consent to out them ergo, I won’t.  That being said, you’ve been duly warned..

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I have a rule that I have followed since I was very young; I go where I am called.  It’s taken me to different jobs, meeting new people and, at times, new states. It’s really simple if i’m honest, I feel a pull at the back of my consciousness and that pull becomes a nagging unease with whatever I may be doing.  

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For instance, teaching currently is no longer calling me and, if i’m honest, it never did.  That’s the other problem, if I ignore it, bad things start to happen. I may not pay as much attention, I may miss something or, I may just not do the job to the best of my ability (a fact that I detest as I consider myself a professional and to not give my best seem…..insincere.)

Which brings me to why I am writing this; slavery.  I used to detest the word as I had no respect for those that followed that path.  Who devotes their existence to basking in the shadow of another human being when the choice to be a God is literally in front of them.  

About a month ago I started to feel the pull though and this time it was deeper than normal.  I felt like my life was spinning out of control and I couldn’t get a grip on anything I was trying.  

So I did what I normally do, I started writing.  In the time before I met Bella, Osha and I would trade stories about fantasies that we had had and play sessions we wanted to try and thus the same started with Bella.  She had expressed a desire to know more about what goes on in my twisted little mind so I decided to go whole hog and give her both barrels of , what I thought, was some of my most deviant desires.  

The story laid out positions I had been trained to remember and requirements that I had to fulfill or I would accrue “demerits” that pretty much meant something awful was coming my way and it increased in awfulness the more demerits I received.

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About a week prior I had been informed that I would be the entertainment at a get together that Daddy would be throwing and that I was not to contact any of the people involved or speak until spoken to as these were Daddy’s friends and I had been offered to them.  I was assured that there would be no fluid transfer and all strap-ons would be using my cock. 

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Fast forward a few weeks and my 10 week hiatus ended with me traveling to home 2.0.  I was terrified. Not only was I going to be at the mercy of all of Daddy’s friends but I was expected to perform.  Not only that but Daddy had a platform built that worked like a set of stocks so that I was just a hole to be used. I was also told that her friends had been given license to use me in any way they saw fit as long as no on hit me or risked a biohazard.

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For the sake of simplicity I’m going to name those involved as; Daddy, Alpha, Beta, Foxtrot, and Tango.

To be continued…..

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